Check it out yo!

Jake- Freddie Prinze Jr
Kate- Shannon Elizabeth
John- Joshua Jackson
Zoe- Eliza Dushku
Robbie The Robber- Tom Arnold
One Eye- Chris Rock
Floosie- Jennifer Tilly
The Black Man- Bernie Mac
Kelly- Rebecca Romijn Stamos
Mr. Manybucks- Sean Connery
Drunky the Drunk- Tim Curry


The Opening Credits Roll

NARRATOR:
Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back To The Theatre

FREDDIE PRINZE JR.

SHANNON ELIZABETH

JOSHUA JACKSON

ELIZA DUSHKU

ANGST 2
(A Scream Is Heard- A Sword Slashes Through The Screen But Gets Stuck)
LIVING LIFE ON THE HIGH SEAS

TOM ARNOLD

CHRIS ROCK

JENNIFER TILLY

BERNIE MAC

TIM CURRY

with

REBECCA ROMIJN-STAMOS

and

SEAN CONNERY


WRITTEN BY MAC THE MOVIEGUY

PRODUCED BY MAC THE MOVIEGUY

DIRECTED BY MAC THE MOVIEGUY


The Scene Opens With Jake and Kate getting married

JAKE
Ah. Finally the moment I've been waiting my whole life for.

PRIEST
Do You Jake...

JAKE
Yes. I do.

PRIEST
Kate?

KATE
Of Course

PRIEST
That was easy. I now promote, I mean pronounce, you man and wife. You must kiss the bride.

JAKE
Isn't it may?

Kate and Jake kiss. The camera moves to show Kelly in the audience crying with her new husband Mr. Manybucks.

JAKE (V.O)
Stop the presses. What happened since the first go around?

CUT TO: A cruise ship. We see Kate, Jake, John, Zoe, and Kelly boarding

JOHN
This is going to be a blast!

JAKE (V.O)
Turns out no one was pregnant after all. Just a close call.

ZOE
Show me to my room!

JAKE (V.O.)
My dad and Kelly broke up. Something about "The first one was stupid and you couldn't pay me enough to come back."

KELLY
I'm glad I got to come along, Jake

JAKE
No problem. Your room is on the opposite end of the ship so you can stay the hell away from me. OK?

KELLY
(makes a cat sound) Meow! I'm a good girl, remember?

KATE
Mom. Go away.

JAKE (V.O.)
No new friends. Just the 4 of us on a cruise ship.

The ship leaves it's dock.

CUT TO: Jake and Kate's room.

JAKE
What should we do?

KATE
Develop our relationship.

JAKE
Huh?

KATE
Studies showed that we would have been more realistic the first time around if we hadn't have had sex all the time. We have to get to know each other.

JAKE
OK. Dinner then?

KATE
Yeah. Sounds Good.

CUT TO: John and Zoe's room.

JOHN
Wanna fuck?

ZOE
Sure.

CUT TO: Kelly's room.

KELLY
Hmmm. I'm gonna find me a rich bitch.

CUT TO: The ballroom Kate and Jake are dining and Kelly is sitting across the room at the bar. Mr Manybucks walks up.


BARKEEP
What'll it be?

MANYBUCKS
Martini. Shaken not stirred.

KELLY
(not looking) A James Bond fan? (now looking) Dear Jesus! You're Sean Connery!

MANYBUCKS
A common mistake. I know the accent is remarkably on target but I am nothing like the actor. I have an eleven inch penis. Around.

KELLY
I'll think about that.

MANYBUCKS
I'm worth over 200 billion dollars.

KELLY
So? You think that'll get me in the sack?

MANYBUCKS
Actually, I was hoping my eleven inch penis would get you in the sack.

KELLY
Let me see it.

Manybucks whips out his penis.

BARKEEP
Here's your drink.

MANYBUCKS
Thank You

BARKEEP
Oh my god. That's a huge....

MANAGER
Johnson! Get back here. Theres a gigantic..

CUT TO: the stage

ANNOUNCER
Dick! Dick Clark everybody!

ANNOYING KEY GRIP
Sorry sir. He couldn't make it. He's got a big..

CUT TO: Jake and Kate

JAKE
(really loud)Penis!

KATE
No way am I going to beat that. You win the Penis game again.

JAKE
Isn't that a great game. It should be an Olympic sport or something.

KATE
Yeah. So, what are your hobbies?

JAKE
Other than Football, Soccer, Basketball, Hockey, Arm Wrestling, Track, Volleyball, Baseball, Softball, Tennis, Weightlifting, and Knitting?

KATE
You Knit?

JAKE
What? You don't think a guy can knit?

KATE
I just don't see you as the knitting type.

JAKE
I once knitted a bra.

KATE
That's sweet.

JAKE
Can we have sex yet?

KATE
What did I tell you? People don't want us to have sex till we know each other better, or something romantic happens.

JAKE
Oh

Robbie the Robber waltzes into the room with a rocket launcher.

JAKE
What would you do if I told you there was a man in this room with a rocket launcher.

KATE
A what?

JAKE
And he bears a striking resemblance to that guy off of True Lies?

KATE
Arnold Schwartzenegger?

JAKE
No. The other guy. The goofy sidekick guy. The one who had sex with that fat chick from Roseanne.

KATE
Roseanne?

JAKE
I don't know. I didn't watch that show. Just turn around so we can avoid anymore corny dialogue.

KATE
Oh. Ok

Kate turns around and sees Robbie with the rocket launcher who has been awaiting his cue.

KATE
(overly dramatic) Oh no! Theres a man with a rocket launcher.

The whole room busts out laughing.

KELLY
Tom Arnold is holding us up!

The room laughs harder

ROBBIE
Screw you all. I'm here for a few people. Would Kate, Jake, Kelly, Mr. Manybucks, John and Zoe please follow me?

For some reason they get up and follow him

ROBBIE
That was easy.

John and Zoe come out of nowhere and join the group.

ZOE
Where are we going?

ROBBIE
You'll soon find out.

(devilish laugh)

Soon. Out. Find. You.

He accidentally drops the rocket launcher. It fires off a rocket into the hull of the ship.

ROBBIE
Abandon ship!

The ship begins to sink. My Heart Will Go On is being played by a band that appeared out of nowhere and is standing on the deck of the ship.

ANNOYING KEY GRIP
Iceberg right ahead!

JAKE
Iceberg? This is a carribean cruise!

Sure enough. There is an iceberg.

MANYBUCKS
I have a private raft. Let's go.

Kelly and Manybucks wander off.

JOHN
Who are you?

ROBBIE
I'll never tell.

ZOE
Who are you?

ROBBIE
Never.

JAKE
Who are you?

ROBBIE
Robbie the robber. I'm here with a band of pirates sent here because we want this stupid series to end and we are going to kill you so that there won't be an Angst 3.

JOHN
Wow. That was easy. Why'd you tell us?

ROBBIE
Rule of 3.

JAKE
You've slept with 1 guy?

ROBBIE
No the other rule of three. I can't stand to be asked a question more than 3 times.

JAKE
Oh.

The Captain runs past them

ZOE
Hey! Aren't you supposed to go down with the ship.

CAPTAIN
Fuck that. I quit.

He jumps in the water.

ZOE
(panics) WE HAVE NO CAPTAIN!

Zoe runs off screaming, John follows her.

Jake and Kate run toward the front of the ship. Robbie follows. The ship tilts upwards. Jake and Kate are standing on top of the ship. People are jumping off everywhere. Robbie falls off and hits a propeller.,

ROBBIE
Ouch.

He then falls into the water where he is eaten by a shark, along with a dozen other people.

KATE
Great. Our ship is sinking and now there's a shark in the water.

JAKE
Hold on.

KATE
I won't let go Jack.

JAKE
Jake, my name is Jake.

KATE
My bad.

The duo jump into the water.

JAKE
It's so cold.

KATE
Hold On. Jake.

They float to a dead body.

JAKE
We'll float on him.

They use the dead body and float away from the wreakage.

CUT TO: A deserted island. Jake and Kate have been washed ashore along with a volleyball.

JAKE
Hello!

KATE
Anybody!

JAKE
It's a volleyball.

Jake and Kate look at each other.

CUT TO: Jake and Kate playing volleyball. They have made an elaborate city out of palm trees.

JAKE
It's amazing what a little hard work will do these days.

KATE
I win.

CUT TO: A pirate ship. Jake, Kate, John, Zoe, Kelly, and Mr Manybucks are on board.

JAKE
How the hell did we get here?

ONE EYE
Good question. I thought for sure we had lost you.

JAKE
You're a cyclops!

ONE EYE
And I'm black. Do you know what it's like for a black cyclops? Can a brotha get some R-E-S-P-E-C-T- up in here?

Suddenly a bunch of other pirates jump out of nowhere. Respect plays in the background

THE BLACK MAN
R-E-S-P-E-C-T you know what it means to me

FLOOSIE
Just a little bit.

ONE EYE
Just a little bit

DRUNKY
R-S-P-E-T-C.

ONE EYE
Damnit Drunky, you done gone screwed up our whole medley.

DRUNKY
Am I sorry drinking lot a too much.

FLOOSIE
You boob.

DRUNKY
Whore naked.

FLOOSIE
Drunk.

DRUNKY
Eoh.

FLOOSIE
Oh yeah? Budweiser frog reject!

DRUNKY
Intern.

FLOOSIE
That's it!

The two start fighting until One eye pulls out his gun and shoots Drunky,

ONE EYE
Annoying asshole.

DRUNKY
I AM DRUNKY!

One Eye shoots Drunky again.

JAKE
You know that point in a movie where the annoying character gets killed. This is that point.

DRUNKY
Oh.

Drunky falls off the ship.

THE BLACK MAN
Good shot one eye.

KATE
Please let us go. We promise there won't be an Angst 3.

MANYBUCKS
Why am I here?

ONE EYE
Because we showed the end of the movie at the beginning and you were in it. If we killed you off, the beginning would make no sense.

MANYBUCKS
Thank God.

JAKE
Wait. If you kill us, then what would happen to the beginning?

ONE EYE
That's a good question.

FLOOSIE
I suppose that you would be alive.

THE BLACK MAN
Or maybe you'd die and come back like Mike Myers in Halloween:Homecoming. Sometimes people just don't die.

DRUNKY (from the ocean)
Can I come back now?

JOHN
No. Go away. Your character is dead.

ZOE
Die!

ONE EYE
So what do we do now?

Kermit The Frog enters.

KERMIT
OK. What have I told you boys about raiding other people?

ONE EYE
We're sorry Master Kermit.

JAKE
You've got to be kidding. This is a pirate ship run by a talking frog? How gay is that.

JOHN
Wow. That is gay.

KERMIT
Shut up or I'll kick your ass.

KATE
The frog just said ass.

They laugh.

KERMIT
Hey!

JAKE
Sorry man. Could you do me a favor?

KERMIT
Sure.

JAKE
Say "Bud".

KERMIT
Bud.

ZOE
Wise.

KERMIT
Wise.

JOHN
Er.

KERMIT
Er. Damnit. I fall for that everytime.

Kermit gets mad and throws the black man off the ship.

MANYBUCKS
Hey! You just repressed a black man.

KERMIT
Whoops. You're right, I should have thrown the rich white guy off. That's more PC.

MANYBUCKS
You should go get him

Kermit jumps in the water.

ONE EYE
No! Master!

One Eye jumps in after him.

The gang looks at Floosie.

JAKE
What are you waiting for?

KATE
You know the part in scary movies where someone does something really stupid and everybody hates them for it?

Everyone looks at the screen.

FLOOSIE
Is this it?

KATE
Fraid so.

Floosie jumps off the ship.

JAKE
Let's get out of here.

CUT TO: Jake lying on a bed.

JAKE
Wow. That was easy. (looking at the screen) Almost TOO Easy.

NARRATOR
What would you do for the girl you've always wanted?

CUT TO: A car dealership. Jake is sitting in a car

CAR DEALER
Excellent choice. Vintage, 1978.

NARRATOR
What would you do for a brother in need

CUT TO: A prison

JAKE
I don't have a brother

STEVE ZAHN
Thank you for coming. Thank You.

CUT TO: Jake on the phone

JAKE
I'll drop him off in Denver. I'll see you tomorrow

CUT TO: Jake and Steve Zahn in a car

STEVE ZAHN
Breaker 1 Nine, this is like a prehistoric internet or something.

JAKE
What the HELL is going on?

STEVE ZAHN
Can you do a woman's voice?

JAKE
Hey there this is candycane. Who is this?

JOHN (V.O.)
John, I mean, rusty nail

JAKE
If I were there John I Mean Rusty Nail, I'd make you feel good. Why don't we get together later in a motel.

JOHN (V.O.)
What room

JAKE
Room 17. I can't wait.

STEVE ZAHN
This is awesome!

JAKE
OK. Enough of this Joy Ride shit.

CUT TO: After the wedding

KATE
This is the point you've all been waiting for.

JAKE
We are going to have sex!

Kate and Jake take each other's clothes off.

CUT TO: Kelly and Manybucks

KELLY
Do that accent again.

MANYBUCKS
Bond, James Bond.

KELLY
Oh yes!

MANYBUCKS
I have to get into your pants in order to save the world.

KELLY
Come on in.

CUT TO: John and Zoe

JOHN
Well. That's it.

ZOE
Hope you enjoyed Angst 2: Living Life On The High Seas.

JOHN
Since we didn't die, expect Angst 3: You parody, I parody, we all parody for parodies!

THE END